Put together & perfect

I don't have time to breathe. 

Anyone else feel like that? I need to work, eat healthy, sleep, keep fit, see friends, see family, the list never ends. I feel so pressured to do all these things right and all the time, who is pressuring me to do that though? 

I want to be able to do it all. I want to be that put together girl who manages to do everything. One of those people who get everything done and still has time for cocktails on a random Thursday. One of those girls who walks to work with a cup of coffee and perfect hair. I want to be seen as the girl who's got it all together. Yet I really don't have it together, I'm the opposite of together right now. 

So I really don't know where I've got this ideal person from?

Even though I try and be this person, there is always something that throws me off course and makes me feel like I've failed. My question is, am I actually failing? Is it even possible to be this girl or have I made it up. Surely if I've made it up can't be failing, so why does it feel like I am all the time?

In reality I never rarely go for cocktails - although they are the way to my heart - I walk to work with hot chocolate, not coffee, spilling on my hands with hair that has been ruined by the wind. I am not that perfect looking image and I'm definitely not the perfect together person inside.

I hate loosing control of things that I can control. I try and ensure that I plan and prepare for everything. Travel, clothes, makeup, I organise everything down to the tiny details. No matter how hard I try, there is always something that stops me from being in control.

After a good few years of feeling I'm not good enough yet, I've come to realise that I've made this standard of person up. No one has ever told me to be that person, I've just convinced myself it's a real standard I could eventually live up to. Yet I know that I'll never be that put together, perfect Holly, and I've now realised that maybe it's not something I'd want. I need to let that image go and stop comparing myself to a standard that just doesn't exist.

By comparing myself to that unrealistic standard, I'm not letting myself breathe. I have no ability to shut down and relax, I'm always thinking of what I have to plan next, but I want to be living in the moment.  If living in the moment means that I slip up from time to time that I need to accept that. 

It's hard to listen to my own advice, and I rarely do. However I seem to love dishing it out, so here's what I would say to my friends if they were asking for help in this situation.

It's okay not to be perfect. No one is expecting you to be. We're only human. If we were all perfect, life would be no fun and we need these flaws and mistakes to learn and appreciate life. So stop stressing about it and try to remember to experience life, not to control it.

Holly Anastasia xx


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