Breakups are crap. They make you feel terrible for weeks, question yourself in all areas, cry and distract yourself for a long time.

I was seeing a guy - lets call him Daniel - for around 2 years. We were never an official couple and although that may sound strange to some of you - seeing someone for that long without being together - it worked for us and that's what mattered. However, seeing someone for that long, spending so much time with each other, just meant we grew so close in every way. I have never been so completely in sync with someone as I had been with Daniel. It felt almost the same as having a boyfriend, most of the same emotions, the feelings and mutual care were there. For all intents and purposes, we had a relationship.

Recently we mutually ended it because he was going back to uni. We both knew it was coming because we had agreed this a while back. This didn't mean we didn't care - it wasn't just one night stands over and over, it was more. We met each others families, became friends with each others friends; we were involved in each others' lives.

When you become so invested in someone like that, it is hard to let go, whether or not you saw it coming. Daniel is one of the best people I know - we are still friends now and we would never take back the time we had. I thought I would go through all those crappy breakup feelings and drop everything just to mourn the relationship, however that was very different from how I've been feeling.

I did cry hard at first, I felt sad and I sometimes still have a few tears (bear in mind guys, this was only 2 months ago!) yet I didn't feel any of the crap I've gone through in breakups before, which got me confused. I didn't question myself, I didn't stop everything; there was no regret or anger, nothing. I just thought why, why am I not feeling as I 'should be' after a breakup? (I almost felt guilty for not feeling those things, wondering whether it was because I wasn't actually as sad as I should be.)

As I said, Daniel is an amazing guy and I'm grateful for having him in my life and being so close for so long. He is a positive, caring person and he is always having fun; he is definitely one of those people who has a personality you never forget. 

When I met him I was shy and quite negative in some aspects. Being with him brought me out of my shell.

He taught me how to look on the positive side of everything, he built my confidence and took me out of my comfort zone and showed me that I can do what I thought I couldn't. I used to think I was just a shy person and that was it, I would never be able to change that. I now know that if you shove me in a room full of strangers I can find my own way. At first I shone with Daniel by my side, but I had to have him next to me. Over the past year or so I saw that I could do it all myself.

Being with someone so confident, positive and happy for that long meant it just rubbed off on me. I know he helped me to grow into a better version of myself I never knew existed, but after while I realised that the key, is that although he helped me grow, he didn't create me.

He showed me what I could be and I grew into that person. So when we ended it, I knew I'd be okay. People have been saying to me 'you seem surprisingly okay' about the whole situation. In actual fact I'm not 'okay', I'm still gutted we had to end it as we were so good together, but I know I will be okay.

I know that I am a great person and I now know my potential. Through it all I am remembering all these things I am, rather than all the negatives.

Daniel enabled me to see my potential I am the one who now believes it and will maintain it. 

Holly Anastasia xx



  1. What a fantastic post. You've shown how being supported to go out of our comfort zone and connect with life in a meaningful way can carry forward and feel worth keeping going. ❤

    1. Thank you so much! It's definitely better having a supportive relationship before ending things! So glad you enjoyed it X


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