Invest In Yourself

Does anyone else ever feel so motivated and so lost at the same time? One minute I'm insanely inspired and the next I am incredibly flat. I've always had big plans for myself and ever since I was young I've had a very determined - albeit sometimes very stubborn - mind. I believed I could do anything as long as I put my mind to it. For some reason that strong mind hasn't been with me recently and I've been trying to understand why.

Most of my friends are finishing their last year of university in a couple of months and I find it strange to see some of them being able to leave with a job and a full life plan, others with no idea at all. I chose not to go to uni, although I knew I would LOVE the social side, I was very fussy with courses and wasn't into the idea of studying something I wasn't 100% passionate about. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had gone to uni but you can only have a 'what if' story and I'm not sure it's very healthy to do that.

I have always praised my friends dedication to their work and it will be such a huge proud friend moment for me when they all get their degrees! When their graduations come round, I do come back to the thought of wondering what I can show for those 3 years.

Maintaining motivation is hard work in itself and I think you have to have such discipline to do that, so I admire anyone who does! It's so easy to watch other peoples successes on social media and I am so into supporting one another, especially in the creative industry where it is so competitive now. However sometimes I feel like I get so involved in other peoples ventures that I stop watching and supporting myself.

One of my friends Sasha recently told me something and I've been thinking about it a lot recently. She said she could see that I am ambitious and could achieve so much but I need to put myself first. Not in a selfish way or to start disregarding other people and their feelings. Just that it was my time to look after me, do things that I want to, not just to please other people. 

After thinking about it a lot, I think she's right. I am such a people pleaser, I try and make everything work for everybody and hate to be told off or challenged for a decision I make. Even if it's the right choice for my body or mind, I still may do the opposite if someone wants me to. Her words resonated with me and I'm so glad she said it.

Being 21 years old I feel like I am at some sort of crossroad where every decision I make now will set my path in stone. That I only have 4 more years to achieve everything I need to or that I'm wasting time by not doing something or other. I know this is a feeling I have seen a lot of other 20-somethings express so at least I'm not the only one! For my next goal I will be trying to live out Sasha's words. 

I need to remember that I have already achieved so much in not many years and there is so much time for more! I'm going to start looking out for me. Of course I will continue to look out for others but I will be thinking about how my decisions effect my body and mind. I'm excited to think about my future and what I can make of it. I'm hoping if you're feeling a bit like me, that maybe my words (or Sasha's) may help you remember how much you've achieved, small or big. Remember how important you are and invest in yourself. 

Holly Anastasia xx

- Photography JKGPhotography
- Sasha's Instagram Here


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